I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
