The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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