North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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