shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
