I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
