I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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