Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
