What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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