This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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