He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
soo... how was my night?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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