i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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