official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
