They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
