Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
