Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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