My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize