Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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