im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
