Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
