how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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