i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize