just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I will pee on everything he values.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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