at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
