just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
