Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
