Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
