He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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