that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
