so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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