I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
