i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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