my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
