he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
