her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
