How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
