you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
