So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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