trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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