I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You ruined the universe
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
