I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
