once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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