All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize