he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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