i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
