my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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