either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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