Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
