Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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