Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
