I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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