Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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