apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
