it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
This is not my ceiling
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
