i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize