Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
