Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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