Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
