I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
she peed on how many people?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
