Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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