So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
