You just made me feel so damn special
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
