sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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