I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
