I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
