Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
