arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
