I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
