I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
