oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
