oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
