There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize